The "experts"

Girls are one of my favorite subjects, I love them! I'm really not sure why or where it came from, but I've never been one of those girls who says things like, "I only have guy friends" or, "girls are bitches" I have never had big problems with girls. Not to say I don't love guys, I LOVE guys also, but with women I can just relate much better, I am also fascinated by women's beauty and lives, their are not many women out there in the world that can make me feel strong dislike towards them. I am also extremely forgiving and can be talked into coming around on just about anything, including unthinkable, "unforgivable" things. I think I inherited this from my mother, I noticed that she's very good with women and finds it easy to speak with just about anyone.

I am not sure why I am prefacing this entry with the above paragraph, because it isn't really what this is about, it just seemed natural to let you know that about me before spilling any of my opinions.

I've noticed that the freedom of blogging has opened up so many opportunities for women and men to speak freely and gain fans and followers, if you have a personality, talent, plus connections to people who already have followers you have a whole lot to gain. Mostly I find this to be a great thing, it is really cool that we can all connect so easily and people have the opportunity to follow and chat with someone they admire and respect, while before the late 90's, well known or famous people were virtually untouchable.

While I do enjoy this connection I have to say I am saddened by some things this allows, I've noticed many women grow and become big in the blogging world and their rants, stories and problems, over time and gained popularity, seem to become more like "advice" for young women reading or aspiring to be like them. This includes very, very young girls from all walks of life, many looking for escape routes from lives they don't find particularly pleasant.

This seems so dangerous to me, so much advice from women who might not know themselves, who might also be lost and heading down dangerous roads, speaking (loudly) as experts!

Sex advice, diet advice, relationship advice, "thinsperation", dishing and dishing about their love lives and heart break and diving deeply into the patience and admiration of their followers. It feels good for these bloggers to be heard, it feels good to be noticed and listened to, but that does not create an expert.

One thing I've noticed recently is the advice dished out about dealing with men and relationships, not only from the non-expert bloggers, but also from magazines and journals the world over.

As I have gotten older I have come to realize that in my life there is no divide between men and women, that women can be as cruel to men as men are to women and to each other, I've seen that men can also be as emotional, as interested in fashion, poetry, writing, love and things we associate mostly in the media as feminine. In my early twenties I remember feeling so angry at men, blaming them for bad relationships and hurtful memories, bad sexual experiences and big fights. Shaking my finger at ex boyfriends as if to say, "You messed up!" Magazines reinforced this attitude, books like "Men are from Mars..." made it easier to believe that, behold, I was right to think men were all the same, they were going to hurt us and we had to develop a tough skin and "learn about men" and men are taught that we are "emotional" and they will have to deal with these women or find certain "types" to have a relationship.

Looking back I wish someone, an expert, had said to me that every single human is so different in so many ways, and not to hold pretenses for anyone. It would have helped so much not to go into relationship after relationship blaming each new guy for the things the last guy did or said. In my life I have seen that each individual, girl or guy, are completely different.

I strive not to offend anyone on this blog, although I do realize fashion is a tricky and often offensive genre, I try very hard to be myself without hurting anyone's feelings, naturally though, this blog will always reflect my tastes and opinions, I hope if and when I offend, you can try to see me as a person and forgive those faults in my as I would you.

I  am always reluctant to give advice on my personal tumblr and on Ilovewildfox, I am not an expert on love or relationships or men, I did not study psychology or women or men, I don't have a degree!

Even my fashion advice should be taken with a grain of salt because everybody is different, every single one of us has our own paths to take, and I'll be damned before I give a young girl advice that doesn't suit her life!

To young people and old people and middle aged people alike, be weary of what you read and be careful not let things effect you too deeply, beauty standards, emotional standards, sexual standards are different for everyone. Everyone finds different things difficult or beautiful, and for that we should be singing!

I am 28 years old, I will be 29 next week and I can't wait to meet many more incredible, unique individuals who will challenge my beliefs and bring all sorts of new experiences, boy or girl, neither right or wrong, will probably change my mind about everything all over again.

My non-expert, non harmful advice ; Love the people around you for who they are, don't expect people to be different or the same, don't hold men and women to standards, don't make lists of what you want from friends or lovers, be open, be honest, and use the pain in your lives to grow, don't be cruel to people, listen to everyone, try to understand perspectives, be patient with me and each other :)

XOXO

Posted on February 25, 2012 .