One very frustrating thing to know is that I will never get the opportunity to see myself through someone else's eyes. I am the only person who will ever really know me through and through, and when I die, I will die remembering only my own experiences, I will be, essentially, alone forever.
Although frustrating at first, this thought somehow transforms into an epiphany; If this body is the only way for me to experience my life then why would I ever spend any time worrying about how I am perceived by others, or dwell over silly insecurities. Since we are all human I think it's safe to assume that everybody feels this way, they probably spend 90% of the time thinking or worrying about how others see them, but if everybody is doing this then we are rarely judging each other!
How delightful that we are so self consumed! With this knowledge we can free ourselves from fear of judgement, we can revel in the thought that everybody is only judging us as a reflection of themselves.
We spend a lot of time wishing we had better bodies, better skin tone, better hair, we spend a lot of time swooning over other men and women, dying for their legs, thinking perhaps if we obtained physical perfection then we could have it all, we would feel complete.
It's only when I stop to clear my head, when I stop and think of all the happy couples I know, happy friendships, happy love, I don't see perfect, thin bodies, I don't see dark tans and radiant eyes, I don't think of perfect sense of style or great muscle tone, in fact I don't really think of physicalities at all, I think of smiling and talking, connecting, kissing and resting heads on one another.
The world is not out looking for super models, we are not looking for dreams, we are not looking for anything but real love, in fact it seems as time goes by all I am really looking for is myself, reflected in the kindest and happiest of ways, in somebody else's eyes.
Someone who will kiss me when I am crying, someone who will ease the stress of self perception by making me laugh every day... really, really hard.
My boyfriend comes home on Tuesday, I look forward to it.